Self Care

Over the past 10 years, we have seen an increasing amount of content on all media sources promoting self care. It was a refreshing experience to have the permission to implement activities, hobbies and routines in which built us up and only had to do with ourselves without subscribing to the “selfish” labels.

Whether or not it is promoted,  self care will always be important for a variety of reasons however, human nature has proven that we can find a way to overindulge and twist anything positive into a negative with the right spin on things -  So don’t worry about the noise and try to focus on the benefits of what the “Self Care Revolution” has provided.

Understanding Self - Who the hell am I ?

The most overlooked steps of the process is answering just this question. In order to determine what I need, I have to get clear on who I am. In my practice, I usually do some form of values clarification exercise in order to get to the bottom of things - Am I who I think I am? Many men I work with may value a particular concept, but cannot Identify any daily actions in which shows that they do. Or even better, can only identify actions in which contradict said value.

Example: I value punctuality, but usually have an excuse as to why i’m late to my work meetings or son’s practice.

Your core values create the code in which you live your life by, and only you can determine what they are as an individual. This gives you a clear route to understanding self.

Ask yourself:

What are the top 10 concepts, traits or characteristics I value most?

How would anybody know that I value these things? (How am I showing it)

What do I need to adjust about my behaviors in order to be aligned with my values?

And finally - How can I best care for myself in order to sustain the work that it takes to be the human that I want to be?

Insert: self care.

One of my first therapists always told me to “take care of yourself like someone you are responsible for.” To me this made the most sense. Highlighting the idea that I would go to any length to make sure my little ones have what they need physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, yet I would often come up short with myself through impulsive or destructive behavior. We are responsible for ourselves first before anybody that we love and care for. What that responsibility looks like in action, is different for everybody.

Finding the balance between how we spend our energy and contribute to our lives, and how to regulate ourselves and replenish our resources is where our process lies.

The more responsibilities we acquire, the more we will realize that food and a good night sleep will not restore us to the point where we can maximize our productivity and satisfaction in life. Some of us need a better program to replenish our resources. Some find that simply taking a few hours a week to engage in a hobby, spend time with friends or engage in a healthy activity is all they need to keep going, others realize that they have a backpack full of trauma that needs to be processed to keep symptoms and unwanted behaviors at bay, and many thrive on a daily process that involves activities like journaling, prayer exercise and reflection. All of these practices named fall under the umbrella of self care, and more.

Self care is not so much about the activity, but the intention. The intention of knowing that we will not know how to take care of ourselves if we do not take an active role in the people we are becoming. The intention of honoring self, because even though some in our life may, it is our responsibility and ours only, and the intention of implementing the same grace, humility and kindness with ourselves as we do our loved ones, because we are human too.

Self care is neither selfish or selfless. It is an honest act of kindness towards ones self that will in turn give us the resources we need to prioritize all that we love and care about. In order to increase our contributions to our families, friends, and careers, we have to invest in ourselves first.

“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” – Aldous Huxley