What is Brainspotting? What Men Can Expect from a Session

If you have been carrying stress, difficult emotions, or experiences that are hard to put into words, you may be wondering whether there is a different way to approach the work.

Brainspotting is a focused, body-aware approach developed by David Grand, Ph.D. in 2003. It explores the connection between where we look, what we feel in the body, and the emotions or experiences that may still feel unresolved.

For men who are used to pushing through, staying busy, or trying to “think” their way out of everything, Brainspotting can offer a quieter way to slow down and pay attention to what is happening beneath the surface.

What is a “brainspot”?

A brainspot is a point in a person’s visual field that may connect with an emotional or physical response.

During a session, a trained practitioner may help you notice a specific eye position while you pay attention to what comes up internally. Rather than forcing a memory or trying to find the perfect words, the process makes space to observe thoughts, feelings, sensations, and reactions at a manageable pace.

The goal is not to relive painful experiences or to manufacture a breakthrough. It is to create a focused, supportive environment where you can become more aware of patterns that may be keeping you stuck.

What does a Brainspotting session look like?

A session usually begins with a conversation about what you would like support with. That may include stress, feeling emotionally shut down, recovery, relationship struggles, self-doubt, or a sense that you are carrying more than you can explain.

From there, you may be invited to notice what is happening in your body as you think about the issue. A practitioner may guide you to find an eye position that feels connected to that experience.

You remain in control throughout the process. You do not have to share every detail of your story, and you can pause, slow down, or shift focus at any time.

Some people notice emotions, memories, physical sensations, or new insight. Others simply notice that they feel calmer, clearer, or more connected to themselves after having space to be present.

Who may be interested in Brainspotting?

Brainspotting may appeal to people who:

• Feel stuck in patterns they understand intellectually but still struggle to change

• Have a hard time putting emotions into words

• Feel disconnected, numb, anxious, angry, or overwhelmed

• Want support with recovery, self-awareness, or emotional resilience

• Are looking for a focused approach that includes both mind and body

Every person’s experience is different. It is not a shortcut, a cure, or a replacement for appropriate medical or mental-health treatment.

Brainspotting, coaching, and therapy

Coaching and therapy serve different purposes. Coaching can help with goals, accountability, habits, values, and moving forward. Therapy is appropriate for diagnosing and treating mental-health conditions, trauma, and other clinical concerns.

If you are experiencing a mental-health crisis, severe symptoms, or feel unsafe, seek immediate help from a licensed mental-health professional or emergency support. Brainspotting should be used within the appropriate scope of a practitioner’s training and credentials.

A different way to stay in the fight

Many men have spent years trying to be strong by handling everything alone. But strength is not pretending nothing affects you. Strength is being willing to understand yourself more honestly and ask for the right kind of support.

At 10th Round Coaching, I bring a practical, compassionate, and accountability-focused approach to helping men move forward.

If you are in Roseville, Sacramento, or anywhere in California and want to learn whether this approach may fit your goals, reach out to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.

You do not have to have every answer before you begin. Stay in the fight.

How to Break Self-Sabotaging Behaviors (And Finally Get Out of Your Own Way)

Have you ever set a goal, felt excited to pursue it, and then somehow ended up doing the exact opposite of what you knew would help?

Maybe you’ve committed to getting in shape only to quit after a few weeks. Maybe you’ve promised yourself you’d stop procrastinating, improve your relationships, or finally chase a dream you’ve had for years—only to slip back into old habits.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not lazy, and you’re probably not lacking discipline. More often than not, you’re dealing with self-sabotaging behaviors.

Self-sabotage happens when your actions work against your own goals. It can be frustrating because part of you genuinely wants to change while another part keeps pulling you back toward what’s familiar.

The encouraging news is this: self-sabotage isn’t your identity. It’s a pattern—and patterns can be changed.

What Are Self-Sabotaging Behaviors?

Self-sabotaging behaviors are choices, habits, or thought patterns that prevent you from reaching your potential.

They often disguise themselves as comfort, protection, or temporary relief, but over time they create frustration, regret, and stagnation.

Common examples include:

• Procrastinating on important goals

• Constantly doubting yourself

• Quitting when things become difficult

• Avoiding uncomfortable conversations

• Seeking perfection before taking action

• Negative self-talk

• Staying in unhealthy relationships

• Overcommitting and burning yourself out

• Using distractions to avoid real problems

These behaviors aren’t random—they usually serve a deeper emotional purpose.

Why We Self-Sabotage

Understanding the “why” behind self-sabotage is often the first step toward overcoming it.

Fear of Failure

Many people assume they’re afraid of failing.

In reality, they’re often afraid of what failure might mean about them.

Questions like:

• What if I’m not good enough?

• What if everyone sees me fail?

• What if I disappoint my family?

These fears create hesitation that looks like procrastination.

Ironically, avoiding the challenge guarantees the outcome you’re trying to prevent.

Fear of Success

Success sounds exciting until it requires change.

Greater success often brings:

• More responsibility

• Higher expectations

• Less comfort

• More visibility

Sometimes staying where you are feels emotionally safer than stepping into the unknown.

Low Self-Worth

If deep down you believe you don’t deserve happiness, success, or healthy relationships, you’ll unconsciously make decisions that reinforce those beliefs.

This is why improving self-worth is just as important as improving your habits.

Your actions usually rise—or fall—to match your identity.

Comfort Is Powerful

Your brain loves familiarity.

Even unhealthy routines can feel safe simply because they’re predictable.

That’s why people stay in jobs they hate, relationships that aren’t healthy, or routines that leave them feeling miserable.

Growth always asks you to trade familiarity for possibility.

Signs You’re Stuck in a Cycle of Self-Sabotage

You may recognize some of these patterns:

• You start strong but rarely finish.

• You wait until the “perfect time.”

• You frequently talk yourself out of opportunities.

• You make excuses instead of decisions.

• You spend more time planning than acting.

• You avoid feedback.

• You blame circumstances for problems you could influence.

• You keep repeating the same mistakes.

Recognizing these behaviors isn’t about judging yourself—it’s about becoming aware enough to change them.

Five Steps to Break Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

1. Identify the Pattern

You can’t change what you don’t notice.

Instead of saying, “I always mess things up,” ask yourself:

• What situation triggered this?

• What emotion was I trying to avoid?

• What decision did I make?

• What happened afterward?

Patterns become easier to interrupt once you recognize them.

2. Challenge the Story You’re Telling Yourself

Every self-sabotaging behavior is fueled by a belief.

Examples include:

• “I’ll probably fail.”

• “I’m not qualified.”

• “It’s too late.”

• “Nothing ever changes.”

Ask yourself:

Is this actually true, or is it just familiar?

Most limiting beliefs fall apart once you examine the evidence.

3. Make the Next Step Too Small to Avoid

One reason people stay stuck is because they make change feel overwhelming.

Don’t focus on losing 50 pounds.

Focus on today’s workout.

Don’t focus on writing a book.

Focus on writing one page.

Small wins create momentum, and momentum builds confidence.

Progress almost always beats perfection.

4. Replace Shame With Curiosity

Many people respond to setbacks with harsh self-criticism.

“I’ll never change.”

“I’m hopeless.”

“I’m weak.”

Shame keeps you trapped.

Curiosity sets you free.

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” ask, “What can I learn from this?”

That simple shift creates room for growth instead of guilt.

5. Build Accountability Into Your Life

Self-sabotage thrives in isolation.

Accountability creates consistency.

Whether it’s a trusted friend, mentor, therapist, or life coach, having someone who challenges your thinking and encourages action can dramatically shorten the distance between where you are and where you want to be.

Real accountability isn’t about criticism—it’s about support, honesty, and momentum.

You Don’t Need to Become a Different Person

One of the biggest myths about personal growth is that you need to completely reinvent yourself.

You don’t.

You simply need to stop repeating the habits that keep you stuck.

Every healthy decision reinforces a healthier identity.

Every promise you keep to yourself strengthens self-trust.

Every uncomfortable action builds confidence.

Change doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen one decision at a time.

Breaking Self-Sabotage Is About Building Self-Trust

At its core, self-sabotage is often a symptom of broken trust in yourself.

If you’ve spent years breaking promises to yourself, it’s understandable that confidence feels shaky.

The solution isn’t to make bigger promises.

It’s to make smaller commitments—and consistently keep them.

Each time you follow through, you prove to yourself that you’re capable of change.

That’s how lasting confidence is built.

the 10th round

Everyone experiences moments of self-sabotage.

The difference isn’t whether it happens—it’s whether you recognize the pattern and choose to respond differently.

If you’re tired of feeling like you’re standing in your own way, remember this:

You are not your worst habit.

You are not your biggest mistake.

And you are not destined to repeat the same cycle forever.

With awareness, intentional action, and the right support, you can break free from self-sabotaging behaviors and begin creating the life you’ve been working toward.

If you’re ready to stop getting in your own way, 10th Round Coaching is here to help. Together, we can identify the patterns holding you back, rebuild self-trust, and create practical strategies that lead to lasting growth and meaningful change.

What Does Life Coaching Actually Do? A Complete Guide For Men

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “What does a life coach actually do?” you’re not alone.

Life coaching has become increasingly popular over the last decade, but it’s also one of the most misunderstood professions. Some people assume coaches simply motivate clients with inspirational quotes. Others think life coaching is the same as therapy. Neither is true.

The reality is much more practical.

A good life coach helps you identify where you’re stuck, create a plan to move forward, and hold you accountable for taking action. Coaching isn’t about fixing you—it’s about helping you become the person you’re capable of being.

At 10th Round Coaching, I work primarily with men who are ready to stop drifting through life and start living with intention. Whether you’re struggling with confidence, relationships, discipline, recovery, or simply feeling like you’re capable of more, coaching provides structure and accountability that can help bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

Let’s take a closer look at what a life coach actually does and whether coaching might be the right fit for you.

What Is a Life Coach?

A life coach is someone who helps people create meaningful change through goal setting, accountability, self-reflection, and consistent action.

Unlike a friend or family member, a coach provides objective guidance. Rather than telling you what to do, a coach asks thoughtful questions, challenges limiting beliefs, and helps you develop solutions that fit your life and values.

Think of coaching like having someone in your corner who isn’t emotionally invested in your decisions but is deeply invested in your growth.

The goal isn’t dependence.

The goal is helping you build the mindset and habits necessary to create lasting change on your own.

What Does a Life Coach Actually Do?

While every coach has a unique approach, most coaching relationships include several key components.

Clarifying Your Goals

Many people know they’re unhappy, frustrated, or stuck—but they can’t clearly explain why.

A coach helps you define what success actually looks like.

Instead of saying,

“I just want to be happier,”

you begin identifying specific goals like:

• Improving your marriage

• Becoming a more present father

• Advancing your career

• Building confidence

• Staying sober

• Improving your physical health

• Creating healthier daily habits

Clear goals create clear direction.

Identifying What’s Holding You Back

Most people don’t fail because they lack information.

They fail because something keeps getting in the way.

Sometimes it’s fear.

Sometimes it’s self-doubt.

Sometimes it’s procrastination.

Sometimes it’s years of unhealthy habits.

A coach helps uncover those obstacles so they stop controlling your decisions.

Often, the biggest breakthrough isn’t learning something new—it’s recognizing the patterns that have been quietly limiting your progress.

Creating an Action Plan

Insight without action doesn’t create change.

Once your goals become clear, coaching shifts toward creating a realistic plan.

That might include:

• Weekly goals

• Morning routines

• Habit tracking

• Better communication strategies

• Stress management techniques

• Accountability check-ins

• Confidence-building exercises

The emphasis isn’t on perfection.

It’s on consistency.

Small actions, repeated over time, produce remarkable results.

Holding You Accountable

This is where coaching becomes different from reading books, listening to podcasts, or watching motivational videos.

Most people already know what they should do.

The challenge is actually doing it.

Accountability creates follow-through.

When someone knows they’ll be discussing their progress each week, they’re often far more likely to stay committed.

Accountability isn’t about guilt.

It’s about helping you keep the promises you make to yourself.

Challenging Limiting Beliefs

Many of us carry beliefs that quietly shape our decisions:

“I’m too old.”

“I’m not confident enough.”

“I always quit.”

“I’m just bad with relationships.”

“I’ll never change.”

A coach helps you examine whether those beliefs are actually true—or simply stories you’ve repeated long enough to believe.

Replacing limiting beliefs with healthier perspectives often unlocks progress that once felt impossible.

What a Life Coach Doesn’t Do

Understanding what coaching isn’t can be just as important.

A life coach is not:

• A therapist

• A psychologist

• A medical professional

• A financial advisor

• A lawyer

Coaching isn’t designed to diagnose or treat mental health conditions.

Instead, coaching focuses on helping mentally healthy individuals improve performance, build better habits, navigate life transitions, and pursue meaningful goals.

If someone is experiencing severe depression, trauma, or another mental health condition, therapy may be the more appropriate first step. Many people benefit from both therapy and coaching, as each serves a different purpose.

Common Reasons Men Hire a Life Coach

Every client’s story is different, but many men reach out because they recognize they’re capable of more than they’re currently experiencing.

Some of the most common reasons include:

Feeling Stuck

Life looks fine from the outside.

But internally?

There’s little excitement.

Little direction.

Little purpose.

Coaching helps create momentum when life feels stagnant.

Building Confidence

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with.

It’s something you build through repeated action.

Coaching helps identify the habits, decisions, and mindset shifts that naturally strengthen confidence over time.

Career Growth

Many men know they want more from their career but aren’t sure what the next step should be.

Coaching can help clarify priorities, improve leadership skills, overcome fear, and create a practical roadmap toward professional growth.

Relationships

Whether it’s marriage, parenting, friendships, or communication, healthier relationships usually begin with personal growth.

Learning to communicate honestly, establish healthy boundaries, and become emotionally present benefits every relationship in your life.

Recovery and Personal Growth

Recovery isn’t simply about stopping destructive behaviors.

It’s about building a life that’s worth protecting.

Many men in recovery discover coaching helps them develop routines, purpose, confidence, and accountability long after formal treatment has ended.

What Happens During a Coaching Session?

One of the biggest misconceptions is that coaching involves someone telling you exactly how to live your life.

That’s not how effective coaching works.

A typical session may include:

• Reviewing wins from the previous week

• Discussing challenges

• Identifying obstacles

• Setting new goals

• Creating action steps

• Developing strategies for difficult situations

• Building accountability for the week ahead

Sessions are collaborative.

Your coach isn’t there to make decisions for you.

They’re there to help you make better decisions for yourself.

Is Life Coaching Worth It?

That’s ultimately a personal decision.

But here’s a question worth considering:

How much does staying stuck cost?

Another year without confidence.

Another year avoiding difficult conversations.

Another year delaying your goals.

Another year wondering whether life could feel different.

Coaching requires an investment of both time and money.

But for many people, the greater cost is remaining exactly where they are.

Life Coaching vs. Therapy

This question comes up often.

The simplest way to think about it is this:

Therapy often helps people heal from the past.

Coaching helps people build the future.

Both are valuable.

Both can work together.

Therapy may focus on diagnosing and treating mental health concerns, while coaching focuses on growth, accountability, and achieving meaningful goals.

Neither is “better.”

They’re simply designed for different purposes.

How Do You Know If You’re Ready for Coaching?

You don’t need to have your life falling apart.

In fact, many coaching clients are already functioning well.

They’re simply ready for more.

You might be ready if:

• You’re tired of making excuses.

• You know you’re capable of more.

• You want accountability.

• You feel stuck despite your best efforts.

• You’re committed to doing the work.

• You’re ready to invest in yourself.

Coaching isn’t about having all the answers.

It’s about being willing to pursue them.

Why Accountability Changes Everything

Most people don’t struggle because they lack knowledge.

We live in a world overflowing with advice.

Books.

Podcasts.

YouTube videos.

Courses.

Information has never been more accessible.

Action is the scarce resource.

Accountability creates action.

When someone consistently checks in, asks hard questions, celebrates progress, and helps you navigate setbacks, you’re much more likely to stay committed over the long term.

That’s why accountability remains one of the most valuable aspects of coaching.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can life coaching help with confidence?

Yes. Confidence grows through consistent action, healthier thinking, and keeping promises to yourself.

Is coaching only for people in crisis?

No. Many clients simply want to improve an already good life.

How long does coaching take?

Every person is different. Some people achieve specific goals within a few months, while others choose longer-term coaching for continued personal growth.

Can coaching be done online?

Absolutely. Online coaching makes it possible to receive support from virtually anywhere while maintaining flexibility around work and family commitments.

Will a coach tell me what to do?

No. A coach guides, challenges, and supports you, but your decisions remain your own.

the 10th round

Life doesn’t usually change overnight.

It changes through small decisions made consistently over time.

A life coach can’t do the work for you.

What a coach can do is help you gain clarity, overcome obstacles, stay accountable, and continue moving forward—even when motivation fades.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, uncertain, or simply ready for a new chapter, coaching may be the catalyst you’ve been looking for.

The hardest part is often taking the first step.

Everything after that becomes easier when you don’t have to walk the journey alone.

Staying Sober Through the Summer: How to Navigate Triggers, Events, and Temptation

For many people, summer is a season of relaxation, vacations, barbecues, pool parties, and celebrations. While those things can be enjoyable, they can also create unique challenges for people in recovery.

If you’re working hard to maintain your sobriety, summer can sometimes feel like a minefield of triggers. Alcohol is often front and center at social gatherings. Long days and disrupted routines can leave you feeling vulnerable. Vacations may place you in unfamiliar environments where old habits and temptations resurface.

The good news is that staying sober through the summer is absolutely possible. With awareness, planning, and the right coping strategies, you can enjoy everything the season has to offer without compromising your recovery.

Why Summer Can Be Challenging for Sobriety

Many people assume that the holiday season is the hardest time to stay sober, but summer presents its own set of obstacles.

During the summer months, people tend to spend more time socializing. Barbecues, beach trips, weddings, sporting events, concerts, camping trips, and vacations often involve alcohol or other substances. For someone in recovery, these situations can trigger cravings, memories, or feelings of exclusion.

Summer can also disrupt the routines that support recovery. Children are out of school. Work schedules may change. Travel becomes more common. Even positive changes can create stress when structure begins to disappear.

Recovery often thrives on consistency. When routines become unpredictable, relapse risk can increase.

Common Summer Triggers

The first step toward protecting your sobriety is recognizing potential triggers before they catch you off guard.

Social Events

Cookouts, family gatherings, weddings, and parties often center around drinking.

You may hear comments like:

• “Come on, just have one.”

• “You used to be fun.”

• “Nobody will know.”

Even if these comments are meant jokingly, they can create pressure and discomfort.

Hot Weather

Many people associate hot weather with drinking. Beer at a barbecue. Cocktails by the pool. Drinks at a baseball game.

These associations can activate old thought patterns and cravings, especially if drinking was a major part of previous summers.

Vacations

Vacations can be wonderful, but they can also remove many of the recovery tools you rely on daily.

When you’re away from your support system, regular meetings, gym, work schedule, or family responsibilities, it’s easier for old thinking patterns to return.

Boredom and Free Time

Long summer days can create more unstructured time.

Many people in recovery discover that boredom is a significant trigger. When the mind isn’t engaged, it often begins romanticizing past substance use and forgetting the consequences that came with it.

Emotional Triggers

Not every summer trigger is external.

You may feel lonely watching others socialize. You may compare yourself to others. You may feel frustrated, stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed.

Emotions that aren’t addressed can become powerful relapse triggers.

The Danger of Romanticizing the Past

One of the biggest traps in recovery is selective memory.

Your brain may remind you of the “good times” associated with drinking or using. It might replay memories of parties, vacations, or celebrations while conveniently ignoring the consequences.

When this happens, pause and remind yourself of the complete story.

Remember:

• The hangovers.

• The damaged relationships.

• The financial consequences.

• The anxiety.

• The shame.

• The loss of control.

Recovery requires honesty. The fantasy of substance use rarely reflects reality.

Create a Summer Recovery Plan

Just like athletes prepare for competition, people in recovery benefit from having a plan.

Ask yourself:

• What events am I attending this summer?

• Which situations could be triggering?

• Who can I call if cravings arise?

• What is my exit strategy if I feel uncomfortable?

Having answers before you need them can make a tremendous difference.

A simple plan often prevents impulsive decisions.

Bring Your Own Non-Alcoholic Drinks

This may sound obvious, but it can be surprisingly effective.

Many people feel more comfortable at social events when they already have a drink in their hand.

Sparkling water, flavored seltzers, sports drinks, and non-alcoholic beverages can help reduce feelings of standing out while supporting your commitment to sobriety.

Most importantly, you’ll never find yourself in a situation where alcohol is your only option.

Don’t Be Afraid to Leave Early

One of the most powerful recovery tools is permission.

You have permission to leave.

You do not owe anyone an explanation.

If an event becomes uncomfortable, if cravings begin to increase, or if you feel emotionally overwhelmed, leaving is often the healthiest decision.

Protecting your recovery is more important than protecting someone else’s feelings.

Stay Connected to Your Support Network

Summer activities can make it easy to drift away from recovery support.

This is often when people need support the most.

Continue:

• Attending meetings.

• Talking with sponsors.

• Checking in with sober friends.

• Working with a coach or counselor.

• Participating in recovery communities.

Connection is one of the strongest defenses against relapse.

Isolation often creates opportunities for addiction to regain a foothold.

Maintain Healthy Routines

Recovery thrives on structure.

Even during vacations and holidays, try to maintain:

• Consistent sleep schedules.

• Regular exercise.

• Healthy eating habits.

• Daily reflection or journaling.

• Recovery-related activities.

These habits create stability when everything else feels chaotic.

You don’t have to be perfect. You simply need to remain intentional.

Find Sober Summer Activities

One of the best ways to strengthen recovery is discovering that life can be enjoyable without substances.

Summer offers countless opportunities to create new memories.

Consider:

• Hiking

• Swimming

• Fishing

• Cycling

• Traveling

• Photography

• Fitness challenges

• Community events

• Family outings

• Learning new skills

Many people discover that sobriety actually allows them to enjoy these activities more fully because they are present and engaged.

Practice the HALT Method

A simple recovery tool is remembering HALT.

Before reacting to cravings, ask yourself if you are:

• Hungry

• Angry

• Lonely

• Tired

These four states can significantly increase vulnerability to relapse.

Addressing basic needs often reduces cravings and improves emotional resilience.

Sometimes what feels like a desire to drink is actually exhaustion, loneliness, or stress.

Focus on What You’re Building

Recovery is about more than avoiding substances.

It’s about creating a life that no longer requires escape.

As you move through the summer, focus on the things you’re gaining:

• Better health

• Stronger relationships

• Greater self-respect

• Improved mental clarity

• Financial stability

• Freedom

Every sober day is evidence that change is possible.

Every challenge you overcome strengthens your confidence.

Every event you navigate successfully proves that recovery works.

the 10th round

Summer doesn’t have to threaten your sobriety. In fact, it can become an opportunity to strengthen it.

By identifying triggers, creating a plan, staying connected to your support system, and maintaining healthy routines, you can navigate the season with confidence.

Remember that recovery isn’t about avoiding life—it’s about fully participating in it.

The weather, the parties, the vacations, and the celebrations may come and go, but the progress you’ve worked so hard to build is worth protecting.

If you’re struggling to stay sober, feeling isolated, or looking for additional accountability, coaching can provide support, structure, and guidance as you continue your recovery journey.

You don’t have to do it alone.

Stay in the fight.